when i was 9 years old i started associating numbers to food.

i had to know the carbohydrate content in everything if i wanted to live a normal(ish), healthy life. i was taught how many carbs were in an orange, in bread, candies - literally everything.

if i wanted to snack in the day, i had to make sure that snack had around 15 grams of carbohydrates and balanced with proteins and fats so my blood sugar did not spike or drop. i was taught to make black bean brownies and sub spaghetti noodles for zucchini or spaghetti squash all at the age of 9.

when i was 9 i found out I was diabetic.

type one diabetes is an autoimmune condition where your body basically attacks itself, killing the pancreas, leaving those affected with an organ that does not function, the pancreas.

the pancreas most notably releases the hormones glucagon and insulin - glucagon is released when there is not enough sugar in the blood to maintain a healthy blood sugar, preventing hypoglycemia. insulin is secreted when you eat something with carbohydrates to prevent blood sugar levels from rising and leading to hyperglycemia. if you are lucky, you have never experienced the headaches, irritability and lethargy that come with hyperglycemia or the dizziness, confusion and frustration that come with hypoglycemia. managing diabetes involves many factors - injecting insulin (short acting and long acting), constantly monitoring blood glucose levels, balancing physical activity, and of course, diet.

the focus on diet with this disease along with the stigma of diabetics being unhealthy and overweight led me to becoming very, very uncomfortable with myself, my body and my relationship with food. it makes sense looking back on it - I had to be hyperaware of what I was putting in my body at all times, while constantly hearing from people at all times that i can not eat certain things (usually sweets or fast food type items). or they would tell me if I just ate _____ or exercised more I could cure myself. people with zero history or knowledge of the disease would approach me and tell me what i could and couldn’t do with my body. this led to me eating “healthy” at a super young age. around people i would do what was right, but when i was alone i felt like i needed to fight back and would binge on anything snack-y. i honestly think it was my way to say “i can eat whatever i want” and while technically, yes, i can eat whatever i want i was NOT in a healthy relationship with food at the time and saw it as an enemy more than anything.

it was damaging - to my mental health & to my body.

adopting a vegetarian diet was my first step in getting past this. i thought that this was the key to a healthy lifestyle. while i had an amazing experience on a plant based diet and followed it for five years. but it wasn’t until about a year ago when I discovered how to eat for my body.

I have always counted carbs but becoming informed of the other two macronutrients - fat and protein - and their role in diet changed things completely. (read more about my take on macros here) fat and protein help slow down the digestion of carbs, letting insulin have a little longer to work its magic and preventing spikes in blood glucose.

you see - food is powerful. and the way our bodies react to different things is so unique. implementing proper nutrition by making sure all of my meals and snacks have an adequate balance of protein, carbs and fats as a part of my lifestyle led to better sugar control (and also lost 20lbs…) this lead to the creating of healthy meal combinations, and then healthy scones, cookies and other snacks. it is rare for my blood sugar go over 200 even if i have a scone for breakfast. its so relieving to eat something “bad for diabetics” and not suffer high blood sugars after. it really is all about ~balance~

while i do not believe that a healthy diet can replace insulin in the treatment of type one diabetes, it can provide other benefits and help you lower the amount of insulin you take on a daily basis.

i chose to see this part of my life as a curse for so so long. I spent so many years feeling embarrassed and ashamed of being diabetic - constantly asking myself why me?

but now I know why - it led me to discovering and pursuing my passions in the nutrition world, and for that i am forever grateful. living with t1d is a constant battle - a roller coaster that never stops. but i see everyday as an opportunity to grow and learn more about the way my body reacts to certain things and hope to one day help those diagnosed with type one the way others helped me.